cherishh.

it's funny how dreams and the reality can connect.
it's just funny.

i woke up this morning with tears in my eyes.
so much that i felt as if i was drowning in them.

i dreamt of my late grandmother last night.
it's been such a long time since i last dreamt of her.
but last night,
she popped into my dream all of a sudden.

i dreamt that she came to my house buying pandan cake like she always used to.
then we were exchanging conversations like we would.
about school.
about tele programs.

the next thing i know when i switched position on my bed,
i was at her funeral.
i started crying in my dream.
it seems like everything is going in all the wrong directions and it reminds me of so much.

it's as if everything is repeating itself.
that same year when she passed away.
i was out and i was too tired to go to the hospital where she was at.
she was asking my mum and sis how come i still havent appeared.

the next morning,
i heard the news that she was gone.

i was the only grandson who didnt get the chance to say my final goodbye before she passed on.

it was heartbreaking.
utterly heartbreaking in fact.

i dont know what the dream was about but i do know i was so sad that my tears couldnt stop flowing.

when i opened my eyes this morning,
i realised that the pillow i laid on was wet.
i started to be reminded of what has happened in my dream,
and i started to cry again.

dearest ah ma,
i'm sorry i wasnt there when you asked for me.
and that i wasnt in front of you to say my final goodbye.
i was looking on the brighter side that you would live on and buy me more pandan cakes when you visit us.

i missed you.
i've never publicly announced that i miss you.
but i do.
it's so so sad to know someone who love me is gone.
it's even more sad to know you were one of the two living grandparents i have when i was born and i didnt appreciate you more.

i love you.
in my heart,
those pandan cakes are the one thing that directly connects me and you together.
you make me smile everytime i look, taste and think of them..

i love you.



on a lighter note..
i was happy last night before i went to bed.
pretty good news i must say.
okayy,
potential good news.

to you,
i dont hope for the flower to blossom.
i just wish to know you more.
i just feel happy being with you.
you might be one of the persons with the lowest self-esteem alive,
but to me,
you're beautiful and you make me smile everytime i think of you.
your dumbness makes you cute.
those pouts are like a different smile which can make me smile too.

in short,
i think i like you.
okayy,
i do like you.

oh well.

listen to the jessie mccartney song.