i know i shouldnt miss you but i cant let you go.

happy chinese 'moo-moo' new year to you and you and you, you and you.
hope you had an awesome time collecting your red packets and counting your dollars.
and to those who've been working hard for yours,
or been just shaking your legs at home,
i hope you had a good rest and an awesome long weekend.

chinese new year, again
for the twentieth time.
pretty much the same as several years ago..
only difference is that fact that we're all grown ups now and we engage in talks from girlfriends/boyfriends to tele shows to national service.
a r g h ?

but i'm happy for how things have turned out but all i wish was the fact that there wasnt any form of recession going on so my red packets would be loaded.
heh
just a random thought.

so there was this couple who walked around naked in holland village some days ago.
i thought that was really brave of them and i have to commend them for their courage.
and cant believe those typical busybodies were busy snapping pictures of them.
how kind.
but i'm glad to read that the couple just ignored them and just continue exhibiting themselves.
seriously, kudos to them!

this kelly clarkson new song is so, so addictive.
in a good and bad way.

okayy let's not go into details.

subconsciously, unseriously, seriously, me.

oh well.
dont ask me why.

i know i've got issues but you're pretty messed up too.

so the trip to johore bahru came pretty easy
and i have to say that the new checkpoint is pretty lame.
i dont understand the whole idea of having me to walk in then turn one round and then have to walk back where i came from..
das noticed that they have purchased some expensive grass to decorate the surrounding of the building..
which makes me wonder why cant they save that money and have built some sort of travellator instead which would make more people happy then just stray dogs and cats..

oh well,
just a thought..
heh

this new kelly clarkson single is kicking ass.
i seriously cant wait for the new album in march.
i cant wait for her to finally promote the single and performing it.
i'm sure she'll give that 200% of energy!
such a strong song, really.
i am such a big fan of her and the songg..

anyways,
i been thinking of what school is about this semester.
it's supposed to be so full on and so intense but i dont even feel the pressure.
and this is making me freak out.
looking at the year twos being so enthusiastic about their work makes my ball shrink.
not forgetting the numerous nights of partying these days.
i feel like something is wrong with my mindset and my thinking.
let's pray this is only the first two week syndrome.
i'm pretty positive now that i am thinking of it this way,
things will get better by monday next week..

another thing,
time to be on time for class.
week one was pretty trashy..
been reaching school bout 30 mins past starting time.
boooooo..

in other news,
some people been asking me what i want..
not that my birthday is nearing but in terms of having someone else to share joy with.
but seriously,
i dont know..
i guess i just wanna hang out and have a great night out partying.
maybe i want more,
maybe there isnt anything i want at all..
i dont know..

i'm such a confused person.
it's a reversible and continuous cycle.

and hide from my pride.

hello to you,
pretentious dr hyde/mr jekyll.

i just thought you are no longer who i think you are.
and i guess i have given up guessing and trying to discover.
dont bother and cant be bothered.
for now, at least.

so i guess after all these while,
i kinda figured out that we are not just "sort of" different but i am rather sure that we are different.
maybe it's just like blair and serena having occasional miscommunications and then without trying very hard to be well, they still get together like sisters and have an awesome time together nonetheless.
will we become like that?
only time will tell.

i dont know where the problem lies or what the problem is to begin with.
i think it's just you.
or could it be just me?

argh.
fuck it.

just leave me alone for a while.
it's been a while and let's just continue this weird relationship we've had.
i just think it'll benefit both you and me.
and there could be a third, fourth or fifth person invovled?
hmmm..

ohh
and please dont think i am jealous of you in anyway
i never was and never will i be.
and.. dont think i hate you,
cause i dont
i just dont even know who you are now to even judge you .
no wait,
i dont judge.

after so much typing, i think i can summarised everything into f o u r words.

i
have
fucked
it.

and i can barely look at you.

what can i say
day two of school,
no school.

:)

happy boy indeed.
weeds-ed, then ugly betty-ed.
then lunch with income colleagues.
very happy to see their faces again.
maybe i should pop by there every now and then to piss people who hate me more.
like the asshole and that rude bitch.
god i wish people like that would extinct.
like i've mentioned before,
2009 is my year to screw people's lives around.
hah!
watch out, bitches.

anyways,
i miss partying and drinking and getting high and drunk already.
and it's only been two days of non-alcohol
godd.
i am such an alcoholic.

anyways,
day one in school is kinda fun with all the catching up and the bitchings.
i kinda like our new lecturer for graduation seminar.
she has a whole list of things planned out and we dont have any more theory for this semester.
i am excited about the whole thing..
and on the other hand,
i am dreading the national service thingy.

i wish i'd get knocked down by some kinda truck and then i will break about 50 bones so i would have a golden ticket to free pass this whole thing.

nah, just a thought.

i still love myself and i wanna be broken bones free.

i am so hooked onto this band called cash cash.
they make me smile to myself like an idiot cause their songs are so catchy and so dancy.
and i am also hooked onto this band called owl night.
their smooth male and female vocals makes me melt.
their lyrics are so relatable..

aww..

in other feelings/expressions/news,
i dont know what to say to you.
i feel our relationship is getting very complex.
seems like i have so much to tell you but i dont feel it being right to talk to you now.
seems like we have sort of lost all of our common interest and have given it all up for.. boys?

i'm lost..

today's a gift and not a given right.

i am starting to think back of these baby days of 2009.
it's been good, very good infact.

the first few days were spent in hong kong..
what beautiful natural air-conditioning they have there and as soon as i was getting used to the hong kong weather, crowd and food,
i was already on the plane heading home to hot and humid and sorta-rainy singapore..

but it was a really nice getaway i must sayy.
:)

anyways,
it's thursday already!

gonna party so hard like there's no tomorrow over the weekends!
HAHAH

school on mondayy..
a r g h ?

BYE BYE 2008!!

happy 2009 everyone.
:D

to those who have been in and out of my life of 2008,
and to those who have tried to screw up my life in 2008,
and those who have hurt me or cursed me in 2008,
i hereby make a public statement..
i forgive you..

cause in 2009,
it's gonna be my turn!!
HAHA!!

nah, just kidding..

i'm a nice person..

but seriouslyy,
2008 have lots of memories,
both good and bad.
but i shall look forward to the future.
leave the past in the past.
and let bygones be bygones.

2009's gonna be wicked and it's gonna be a blast for me..
looking at things that are planned..
hardcore printmaking from jan all the wayy to may-ish june..
graduating in may/june.
grad show in june..
jamie's coming back in june..
turning 21 in august..
then off to my two year chalet in sept (i think?)..

and in between,
with lots and lots of sex!
HAHAHAHA!!

okayy..
gotta runnnnn...

happy 2009 again!!
party on me y'all!!
:P

try to leave a light on when i'm gone..

i have decided to do a double post todayy.
what occasion could be more exciting to have a double post than on new year's day anyway?

let's divert the mood a little..

this entry is dedicated to a someone i wish have found peace wherever she is.
all you need to know now is that the fact that you've been missed, much by many.

dear you.

i was just wondering..
wondering about a few things actually.
what were you thinking when you were up above?
were you glad that you made such a decision or were you scared of the heights?
what were you thinking when you were on the way down anyways?
were you regretting your mistake and half wishing superman would come and save your day or did you think it was what you have planned to do all along?
i just dont understand why you didnt spare a thought for the people who love, loved, care for and cared for you.
but since what done cannot be undone..
i wish you have found your guardian angel..
found your peace and never regretted what you've done.

come to think of it,
i kinda miss you when you would push the table so close to my hands and then have my hands stuck in between our two tables.
hah
now that's close to six years ago..
i kinda miss calling you the 'ah ma' in our clique way back in lower secondary..

well..
sorry i got a little rough and perhaps i was just saying what i wanna say out..

in any case,
may you rest in peace with my deepest heartfelt condolences.

yours truly..

and to the rest of you,
easyy easyy.
big fat hugs for all of you.