looking back at these past two/three weeks,
i feel like a complete fool, retard or an idiot.
i dont know why i just had to bump into barney last evening.
well, not face to face but good/bad enough for me to make out the fact that i saw him.
then before i hopped onto bed,
i sent lilo a text wishing him good night.
he replied, calling me a 'play boy'.
sighh.
currently,
i think i am in one of my own darkest moment.
it's indescribable and it's just hard to imagine how many thing would never had happened if things didnt go out of hand.
but then again,
i dont blame anyone,
not even myself.
cause i feel like i have this weird sense of being a little stronger than i was a little while ago.
felt like i've grown as an individual both emotionally and physically.
not quite a bad thing thoughh.
but deep deep down,
i dont know how i should be feeling after being labeled as a 'thief' then a 'playboy' by two different individual who were supposed to have impacted me in one way or another greatly.
it's hard to believe people actually didnt trust me to that extent and people would just give you a name when they dont know you too well.
it's just so, so saddening if you asked me.
to think someone whom you've set your heart out for and so much more,
they crash.
initially, i was lost.
then i saw a tiny wee light and i walked towards it.
i realised it wasnt a way out, after holding onto the candle light for a good five days.
i am searching for the light.
the natural light that would hopefully free me from this darkness.
when will i ever find that light?