the cyclee.

i wonder..
why have i been committing the same 'crime' over and over again.
someone, please tell me why?

the cycle of repeating this damn thing is somehow
turning me into a different person.
making feel like shit all the time.
and hoping for things to go back to yesterdays.

some songs have been pretty awesome.
namely the older ones.
the made me feel like when i am feeling as shitty as ever,
these people who wrote those songs were feeling the same way too.
meaning,
i am not alone in this world.
they just spoke it in the word of music and putting it across in nicer words with melody.
look out for the next 'casual significance'..

so i turned twenty two days back..
thanks to eleanor, gracia, rischka, serena, dasimah, jasmine, tiffany, shihan and bff manfred for organising such an amazing surprise party for me and shihan.
i cannot thank you guys enough for all those wonderful food..
we had steamboat in school,
in the balcony area just outside our studio.
it was a really really pleasant surprise.
and thanks to serena for bringing that steamboat thingy.
and of course thank you to manfred for making me carry my heavy stuff to and from school!
so nice to now that you planned it with bighead eleanor.
HAHA!

thanks to everyone who made it so sweet and yummilicious.
the choco banana cake without any traces of nuts and raisins.
thank you all!!

and also thanks to one and all who sent me a text, message on friendster, fridae or myspace, comment on friendster or myspace, called me..
sorry if i didnt reply but big big hugs to you for remembering my birthdayy.

so i caught the gay-themed film, shelter last night.
it was a very sweet and pretty touching film i have to say.
a movie on exploring sexuality and making different choices in life which revolves around love, family and friends.
please catch it if you have the chance.
youtube have the full film in multiple parts.
but it's worth spending eighty-eight minutes on.

alrighty,
i think this twenty year old grandfather have been typing way too much this time around.

rainy sundays make me lazyy.
awwwwwwww..

back to research methods' drawingg..
ohhh shucks!

to you.
somehow i thought you're unlike anyone i've met before.
indeed you are.
we shared an intense week together but things didnt work out as i have wished for.
then we agreed on being friends but shit happens.
then we burnt out.
a simple element of trust is not there.
i should be hating you but i aint.
i should have let you go but you did first.
i should have said goodbye but i have chosen to cling on.
now the one who is losing out on is me.
i have no one to blame but me, myself and i.

now i am nothing but a fool, a clown who have made a fool out of myself.

i just had to ring you up when i got really drunk the other night.
shame on me.
i dont remember what i've said throughout that eleven minutes phonecall.
maybe i said some silly things but i know i meant it.

but i am gonna choose to go back on my words now.
whatever that could've been said doesnt stand for long.
i need to move away and move on.

i am now looking at things from a third party's view.

we have different purposes.
sex is not what i am after.
i am after something that might not even exist.
settling down and being loved.

in any case,
i wish you well in all you do.